#THINGS MIGHT BE FINE NOW BUT WE KNOW THIS SHIT IS GONNA PROGRESS THIS IS NOT A LONG TERM OPTION FOR US

[lunarflare64]

*KICKS DOWN DOOR*

SO WHO WAS GOING TO TELL US POTS IS WORSENED BY HIGHER NOREPINEPHRINE LEVELS WHILE WE ARE TAKING BOTH A SNRI AND AN NDRI? HUH??? WHO WAS GOING TO FUCKING MENTION THAT???? BECAUSE OUR DOCTOR CERTAINLY FUCKING DIDN'T!!! AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FUCKING REPORT BACK THAT WE'RE STARTING TO HAVE POTS FLARE UPS BECAUSE OF FUCKING COURSE WE ARE WHEN THERES THAT MUCH NOREPINEPHRINE REUPTAKE BLOCKING HAPPENING!!!! THIS FUCKING CUNT ASKS US WHY WE WANT ALL OF OUR DIAGNOSES WHEN WE DONT WANT TREATMENT AND THEN DOES THIS SHIT TO US BECAUSE ON FUCKING RECORD WE ARE PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE AND ABLE WE'RE GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM

[hyuckswoman]

mark and you arguing pt1

pt2

genre: angst (doesn’t have good ending but i can make a pt2)

summary: you don’t like how touchy one of your boyfriend’s friend is, when you try to tell him, he doesn’t listen

pairing: mark x y/n

“no mark you don’t understand and that’s fine, i never asked you to understand either way” you say putting your things down and closing your front door behind you 

earlier that night, you and mark were on a double date with his childhood friend and her situationship? you thought it was her boyfriend but seeing the dynamic up close you understood how wrong you were 

the date was going okay at first. since her situationship was so entertaining, it completed shifted your focus away from the fact that you had barely taked to your boyfriend ever since stepping foot inside of the restaurant, not only that but you had also failed to see how her hand was on mark’s forearm and didn’t look like it was going to move in any second. 

you’re not normally the jealous type but seeing how there’s been a few instances where she had stepped over the boundaries you put with your bf and when you told him about it he just shrugged claiming that “she’s an old friend, she’s bound to be…comfortable” you were apprehensive of the evening. 

and you were right to be! the whole evening was basically her flirting and eye fucking mark, cutting you off when you were speaking, barely paying any attention to her date i mean hell even YOU talked more to him than she did. 

the more the evening progressed the more you dread coming home, yea it meant she wouldn’t be here anymore but it also meant you having to be vocal about your feelings and a possible argument with mark because of course his friend could never be in the wrong 

“why are you being like this? each time we hang out with her you’re always mean and tense about it, i don’t get why you have a vendetta against her” you boyfriend says taking off his coat following you into the living room 

“it’s not like i don’t have a reason to have a vendetta against her mark, she was flirting with you all evening! and i don’t even understand why you’re picking a fight with me, i bit my tongue on purpose and didn’t tell you shit and wasn’t planning to just to avoid this so i’m having trouble understanding why we’re even having an argument right now” you say sitting on the sofa hoping he’ll let it go

but of course he doesn’t 

“oh so now i’m so scary and intimidating that you can’t communicate? and we’re having an argument because tonight, just like every night we’ve ever spend with her you were in a pissy mood. do you know how embarrassing it is to have to apologize for your behavior each time” mark says 

“no one asked you to apologize, i kinda think it’s crazy how you’ve never even taken the time to maybe wonder why i dislike her so much mark” you answer anger rising 

“i know why you’re like this, it’s because you’re jealous” your boyfriend answers

“i’m sorry? yea you’re gonna have to elaborate on this one” you say

“i don’t know maybe it’s because her and i get along or the fact that we were a thing for a short while maybe that makes you insecure or something” you boyfriend says ever so casually 

“what the fuck?? she doesn’t make me insecure i’m just tired of having to explain to you why it bothers me to see one of your friends eye fucking you while you let it happen. i can’t even have a man be in the same vicinity as me before you start to lose your shit mark. Like i really don’t care that you and her were a thing because you’re with me now so unless it’s an issue i need to worry about I don’t see why I’d be jealous? But if you’re gonna be mad at me for being in a ‘pissy’ mood i never want to hear you complain about any men apparently flirting with me ” you say getting up, if you see his face you might start to hit it at this point 

“I still don’t understand why you’re being so bitchy, if her and i were still dating, she would’ve never done this to me” mark says instantly regretting his words 

“So it is something i need to worry about then.. you know what? go date her or something i don’t care mark, maybe she’ll appreciate you acting like a dick” you say sighing. this argument honestly tired you, repeating the same things over and over again tired you but what could be done? 

you were starting to head upstairs to brush your teeth and head to bed when mark gripped your arm preventing you from leaving 

“let go mark” you ask tiredly 

“i’m sorry” he says apologizing 

“okay, now let go” you ask and he shakes his head no 

“please i’m tired i want to sleep let me go” you say as you forcefully remove your arm from his grip, if he wasn’t going to let you go, you’ll leave 

“we don’t go to sleep mad at each other” mark says still blocking your way 

“maybe sometimes we do, plus i’m not even mad at you now please move i want to brush my teeth and you’re blocking the path” you say 

“i’m sorry” mark says 

“i heard you the first time” you answer giving up on brushing your teeth settling to  find a place to sit in your shared house 

“talk to me, please” your boyfriend pleads 

“i have been talking to you mark! ever since the first hang out i told you how she would make backhanded comments about me, then told you how it made me uncomfortable how touchy she was with you, then told you i didn’t want to hang out with her anymore so you could go see her alone and i also told you how her eye fucking you and making me feel like i’m bothering you guys annoyed me. mark you just never listen, and since you don’t listen i sit back, bite my tongue and try my best to act nice but it’s not because she’s your friend that i’m going to let myself get walked over” you say as mark finally lets you in your bedroom where you just lay down to sleep 

“you’re right i’m sorry” mark says hugging your figure thankful that you still communicated despite his actions 

“no you’re not, you say this every time the proceed to do it all over again, anyway good night mark” you say turning so your back faces him just wanting to be done with the conversation because you were starting to feel bad for acting this way when you have every right to be upset. Mark on the other hand is biting his lip realizing that he seriously messed up and needs to make it right somehow. 

because he’d 100% rather never talk to that one friend than have you feel the way you’re feeling right now, at the end of the day, nobody compared to you and he now realized how little he’s been showing it to you 

[mrsnancywheeler]

the river (4) // finnick odair x f. reader

summary: the Capitol has taken you away from Finnick, the life you've been trying to build together and now he has to fight to get every part of you back

previous chapter/next chapter

masterlist

4.8k words

warnings: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, talks of trafficking and abuse related to it, aftermath of breakups, mentions of torture, self destructive behavior, mental illness, unedited, no use of y/n, underage drinking, paranoia

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

“I'm hurting you, real or not real." It's been days of this, of Finnick trying to bring you back to him. Half the time you were fine, you'd try to go over the past with him, joke, and open up, so he'd do the same. He had to be so careful though, it wasn't clear what exact things would set it off, but you'd get so paranoid about him and the doctors. Occasionally they'd be able to calmly bring you back, ground you back into the firmness of reality. The other times you'd devolve completely, screaming, crying, hysterical, and Finnick would have to step away as you'd get worse when he was close by. It was an exhausting, never-ending cycle, but it was worth trying to get you back.

Today you'd let his chair be by your bed, but now he was scared he'd be forced to retreat. He had to be careful, if he lied you might be able to see it in his face and be convinced he was lying about other things, or he could tell the truth and risk the spiral of guilt. “Real." He knotted his rope, staring down at it for a second.

“I'm sorry, I don't mean to or want to. I'm really sorry." You're crying and he's thinking, oh shit, so early in the morning and now a whole day of what could've been progress will be lost.

He stared at you, trying to portray as much genuine feeling as possible, “I know that, angel, I don't blame you. I could never blame you and have never blamed you." It hurt to be so close yet so far away, he could reach out and touch you, but he knew better. Not like you always told him when you did want him to hold you though, some days you communicated well, but others it was like you forgot that he needed explicit permission to come close. You'd get grumpy when he couldn't just tell you wanted him closer and do as much. Truthfully it was adorable, and it reminded him of the past, but that also made his heart ache. He couldn't just make an inference anymore on the off chance it sent you into a frenzy, so he'd have to sit by and wait.

“You should, I'm so fucked in the head, and you deserve better."

“Well I'm pretty fucked in the head too, sweet girl, and there is no one better." You were hiccuping on your sobs, this could go badly so quickly. “Hey, it's okay, we're okay, why don't you take some deep breaths with me, angel? Look at me, just follow what I do, deep breath in, deep breath out." He urged you to look at him and you did, trying to follow along through the tears until finally you were somewhat calmed down.

“I'm sorry." You sniffled, wiping away stray tears.

“It's okay, sweet girl, we're gonna have a good day today, right?" The last couple had been rough, so strenuous for the both of you. You nodded slowly, “Maybe they'll let us take a walk or eat lunch with everyone else. Would you like that?”

"I don't know.” Your knees curled up into your chest.

"That's okay, we don't have to take that step yet if you don't want to. We can just talk or sleep or I can teach you some knots, and whatever else we can think of.” You shrugged and he had to realize that it could be a good day, but it probably wasn't going to be an easy one. With you in one of your difficult moods that he'd be left to handle. You'd say no even if you wanted something, silently expect him to come to the conclusion himself, and if it had been before the Capitol dug their talons in it would've been fine. He would've teased you about it before giving into your quiet plea for attention and he would've relished it because it meant you wanted comfort instead of only comforting him. Now though he didn't know what you were thinking, he had assumptions but the risk of being wrong was too great. “We have to use our words, angel, and if that's too hard you can write it down."

You said nothing and laid your head down on your knees, shaking it. Finnick shifted in his seat, rubbing his head, he didn't want to be annoyed with you, but it had been bad day after bad just to lead to this. He was exhausted and hated Snow for making him work so hard just to have you back again. “Please, don't be mad at me.” Your voice was so broken and so soft that he regretted even showing any form of annoyance.

"Angel, I'm not mad at you. I just can't help you unless you tell me what you want or need.” You ever so quietly let out a small huff as you laid down instead, staring at the ceiling. At least you weren't screaming until you needed to be sedated, you were just having a hard time communicating your needs. Finnick was sure all you wanted was to be held, in the past that's what it usually had been. “Is this making you feel embarrassed, honey?" Sometimes the switch between trying to push down your own needs for solace had left you like this, difficult to feel like you deserved to be consoled. Now though, he reasoned, it was because you felt like such a burden.

"I don't know what's going on in my head and everything is so conflicting. I just want to be me again so I know what I want, and you know, and I don't know it's too much. And I want to say things, but I can't because I just want people to see me as I was and know." His poor, sweet girl having to fight all the inner turmoil. You felt different, but you weren't. You were just struggling and wanted things to be the same as they had before, he knew that, but he also knew that they couldn't be until there were less breakdowns, less paranoia.

He had to suck it up and just give what he was so sure it was at the risk of another breakdown if he got closer, but the alternative was a different type of breakdown. “Do you want me to lay with you again?” You played with your fingers and nodded, so he slipped in beside you. He knew there was more from the way you looked at him and hoped he wasn't pushing boundaries, that he was right. "Angel, do you want to be held?” You finally smiled just a little bit when you nodded, grateful, and he smiled back,"Come here, sweet girl.” The moment his arms were around you your head snuggled into his chest, it felt perfect, the way you two were meant to be.

"Don't let me go."

“Wouldn't dream of it." He hadn't touched you in so long it was like heaven in his arms again. “You ready to talk now, sweet girl? Wanna tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"I'm sorry I'm so difficult for everyone, I don't know what going on in my head half the time anymore.” Your voice vibrated through his chest and it was so comforting to him.

“You're just trying to get better, it's okay. And you can ask me, angel, you don't have to sit with it in your head and let it eat you up. You can just ask me if it's real.” His fingers traced circles on your shoulder, you were so cold all the time, it made him feel less hot and stuffy

“I'm safe, real or not real?"

“Real." Safe from the arena, the Capitol, the only thing you weren't safe from was yourself.

“Okay." You snuggled yourself further into him, like you trying to let yourself believe it. “When I was in the Capitol…” Finnick's ears perked up,"I'd try so hard to keep myself in reality, and I'd think about that time we took that tiny, crickety rowboat out and you said it would be romantic. So you packed up your fishing rod and we'd been out for a couple of hours when it was probably time to row back. So I said I'd take one of the oars-”

"Because you insisted I deserved to rest since it was so hot and I'd rowed us out, which I wasn't, but you gave me that cute little pout so I let you have one.” Of course he remembered this, even if three years ago felt like an eternity.

"You were tired!”

"That's subjective.” You scoffed, but he could hear you smiling.

“Anyways, right after you give me the oar you started kissing me-"

“You just look so cute when you pout like that and you were shining in the sun, like an angel, I had to."

"But you distracted me and I got so caught up in it because you were being an ass, started leaning me down.” He does remember his diabolical plan when you were sitting down sweetly on that little row boat, trying to help him, he just wanted to lay you right down and show you how appreciative he was.

"And you dropped the oar, sweet girl, wasn't my fault.”

"Yes, it was, you distracted me and then you tilted your body when you heard the splash to see what happened and so I did the same. Which made the boat tip over and left us both in the water.”

“And you just started laughing, I couldn't even be worried about you because your sweet little laugh was the first thing I heard. I just swam right over and had you in my arms, started laughing with you, and the only way I could get you to stop was by kissing you.”

"And then you wouldn't let me help you get the oars and row boat back up.”

"You're so pretty, sweet girl, would rather watch you while I'm on task, we saw what happened when that doesn't happen.”

"That was your fault!” You exclaimed, he could feel your smile on his chest.

“Maybe, but it was worth it.”

You hummed in response, one of your hands playing with the fabric of his own medical gown. "And then you insisted I had to get on first and I didn't know how you did it but somehow you got me in the row boat again before climbing back in, without it tipping over, it almost did, but not completely. And it was so hot that it was drying us off completely when you rowed us back with that beautiful, goofy smile on your face the whole time.”

“Couldn't help myself, you're so beautiful, love to look at you, angel."

“And only after we got to shore and you were insisting on carrying the whole boat by yourself did I notice I'd lost one of my sandals." You let out a small laugh into his chest that made his own smile brighten. “So you told me it was another reason I couldn't carry the boat even though it didn't bother me. We'd lost all the fish so we just ate grapes and giggled as you tried to figure something else out."

“I sat you on the counter and you just smiled like you were the sun, so I'd sneak kisses in while I worked. We decorated that rowboat together, do you remember?"

You nodded into his chest, eyebrows scrunched together. “With flowers and seashells?"

“Yeah, good job! Flowers, seashells, fish, the ocean waves, our handprints, and I carved our initials into it too."

Your voice become somehow even softer, “So when I was in the Capitol I'd think about how refreshing the water felt when the sun was beating down on us, how it felt and tasted when you kissed me, how you held me, the sound of you laugh, how special you made me feel by taking care of me. I'd think about that day to try and stop me from slipping away, for a while it worked."

You never ceased breaking his heart and making him fall deeper in love with you. "Well you're still here with me, haven't really slipped away from me.”

"I feel like I have, that I've slipped away from even knowing myself.” You admitted, voice croaky.

“You've just fallen and we're helping you back up, angel, I'm putting you back in the boat. Maybe it'll rock, but I promise you, it won't tip again."

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

His life was hell with you gone because now there was nothing but the ever present loneliness to return too. There wasn't a day that seemed to pass where he didn't think of you in some way. Sometimes it was how much he missed you, others it was fantasies of still being together, and the worst ones were when he'd imagine your life without him. It was terrible when the breakup had begun and he had his first party because everybody had been drawn to you.

“Where is she, is she not feeling well because I can stop by."

"You can't have let that one go, Odair, she was perfect for you.”

"Finnick, she was my drinking buddy!" People admonished him left and right when it was finally revealed that he'd dumped you. Although he was pretty sure people were more upset about the lack of your magnetic presence.

Initially he tried to play it off like his Capitol persona would have, you were just one of many girls lined up for him, and the committal part had scared him off, and you were so clingy. The rumor mill caught it and so many girls were ready to be next. He felt like he was betraying you every time he sent a flirty smirk back to whatever they said to draw him in. So he gave up the persona, he'd rather be mournful and drink away the problems each night.

Then he'd heard that Tallulah still saw you, she'd grab a bottle or two and sneak out to tap on your window. That way she still had someone to take care of her afterwards and she trusted you with the role. “Lulah please tell me what she says, I don't care what about, just anything. I'm begging you." Finnick was tipsy and felt like he was going to cry, but Tallulah pursed her lips.

“Finnick, I don't think that's a good idea.” She took another sip of her drink.

"I'll do whatever you want, please. I'm not asking you to pass messages or anything.” She must have taken pity on him and his tears when she agreed. So he soaked up anything you'd said the next time he saw Tallulah.

“I don't think you want to know."

“I do, I don't care what it is."

“Finnick, if you're already this beat up about it, I'm not sure telling you what she said will help.”

“That's okay, I deserve to feel bad about it."

Tallulah sighed, " People talk Finnick, so the things you'd said about her kind of, you know, got back to her.”

Finnick looked up as if it would stop the tears from falling,"No, no, no, no I didn't mean that. She has to know I didn't mean that.”

"But you said it.” Tallulah shrugged. "She kept asking if I thought she was too clingy or overbearing, sometimes she'd ask if you had someone else and then decided she didn't want to know.”

"No, never.” He said quickly and hated himself for leaving his sweet girl only to cause her even more pain from afar.

“If you're gonna leave a girl, you have to leave her, Finnick. Or you're both gonna spend your whole lives wishing for things when you could just move on. I'm not gonna do this again, just let her have Conway. It's always been them.”

"I know, that's okay.” But it wasn't because Finnick Odair was like a moth to a flame. Any time he could see or hear about you he would. He remembered when nearly a year later you'd started dating Beckett, the same goddamn Beckett that had drawn Finnick to you in the first place. He'd been jealous for a myriad of reasons he had no right to. At least it wasn't Conway, at least if you stuck with Beckett it was a different ending then the expected, the obvious route.

But god, did Finnick hate him. Because he represented you trying to move on, that Finnick didn't have a future with you, and worst of all that other people found you just as intriguing as he did. So when he'd walk the market in circles just to see Beckett shamelessly flirting with you and in your way, you'd flirt back. Maybe he was vain, but Finnick liked to imagine that you did it so he'd be jealous and take you back, even if that could never happen. Beckett had to know it affected Finnick too, who only maintained terse conversation or made jabbing comments towards the other boy.

Until finally whatever excitement you got from it burnt out and you told Beckett it wouldn't work. Leaving Finnick to wonder if it was wrong that he hoped it was because you realized you could never love someone as much as you loved him. It was probably fucked to want, but he needed to know so desperately that you were as longing for him as he was for you. His life condemned him to longing glances and whispers of your name over the ocean waves, but at least you would be safe. Maybe he'd find you in another lifetime, right person, wrong time. Then you could be safe and happy.

Instead he realized the universe didn't expect either of your lives to be ones of just the parted lovers, whatever he'd done in a past life, was coming back for blood. He should've known Snow would realize Finnick thought of you with every breath he took, that he still thought of your lips instead every time he was in the company of a customer, and that it would lead to more tragedy. Because when the fated reaping for the 69th Hunger Games began, it was your name sent into the labyrinth of death.

Any light left in his life had been aggressively ripped from him, it was as if everytime he thought he'd hit rock bottom the ground would crumble beneath him and the falling would resume. At least he knew you were smart, he was privy enough to the clockwork of you to know that you were terrified, but to anyone else you would've looked so calm and collected. Then you looked at him and he felt like the ground was breaking again, another thousand feet to fall. It was like you were sending him a love letter before you went off to certain death.

Tides were always changing, they could sweep you away or reveal the gorgeous curiosities of the waters, Finnick wasn't sure what it was when the second tribute's name was called. Conway. Why was he inescapable? If the stars destined you and Finnick to be tragic lovers, then Conway was always there to rock the boat. But through your eyes, glistening with tears, he sees the plan almost formed. Never has he been so grateful that his sweet girl could easily put on a brave face to handle anything, that you're used to using charisma as a way to fend for yourself, because that means success in the Capitol and you need that.

So although he wished your eyes had stayed on him, blessed him, instead they could do what he needed. Make you interesting enough for sponsors. He knew Conway deserved better, but how could he focus on him when you were right there? His sun, his moon, the stars in the sky, you were absolutely everything, so there was no time to think about what Conway deserved or didn't.

Finnick could easily craft your image to others. He was certain of it, he could sing your praises night and day, so it would be far from difficult to convince the Capitol that you were the model victor. If he had to grovel at the feet of every elite, let them damage his long gone sense of dignity, then it might be worth it for once. Your death would be the last piece of pressure on the dam before it burst open, he needed you to survive. If you won he could be with you. There wouldn't be any hiding because as a victor, Snow would already be finding ways to dig his talons into you. It was all worth it to be able to hold you again.

Finnick could watch every mechanical gear shift in your brain and fall into place. The way Conway loved you, which made Finnick seethe even if he'd always laughed it off like it didn't bother him in the slightest, was going to have to save your life. You'd hate yourself for it, but you'd hate yourself more if you didn't do everything you could do to be there for your family. The same family that you were convinced despised you, but you would spend every cent of victory money on doctors for your mother, or to make it so none of them had to worry about crabs ever again. Not as if that would be necessary, the influx of riches was so exorbitant no one really knew what to do with it once they'd helped those they loved and spoiled themselves sick. Regardless, if you had to step on Conway's head for them you would. Even if it meant the end of the friendship that had kept you afloat for years. Maybe you avoided home like the plague, but only after you'd worked to convince everyone you could sell out your booth. Finnick had always been in awe about how sweet little you could effortlessly piggyback on any information you had to make a sale, which was a largely successful method. If you won you'd have to focus your efforts on performing for all of Panem instead, but that wouldn't be an issue for you when your family would be safe.

Surely it didn't hurt that he was also on the other side of survival, maybe that was selfish for him to think about, but he hoped you knew he would take you back in a heartbeat. That every dream he'd ever shared with you, fantasy about your future, could be possible once you had that crown on your head. It would be full of trials and turbulent waters, but at least you could be together. So he watched as you forced your eyes to portray the gaze of a lover about to be ripped apart from her happy ending, the look you'd genuinely worn when he'd broken your heart. Conway seemed to know you well enough to understand that, but it gave Finnick pride to know he couldn't read you like a book, unlike him. At the end of the day that would be a good thing, at least Conway could die without his dreams of being loved by you being dismantled.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Finnick should've known better than to fall asleep once you had. But it felt so normal to have you asleep on his chest. He was no stranger to nightmares, his or your own, it had become a constant present in your lives. Usually he knew how to handle them, but now it was a completely different ballgame. When you woke up screaming you didn't want his comfort, you wanted him as far away as humanly possible. Hitting his chest as he unwrapped his arms as quickly as he could to dart out of the room as fast as he could while the doctors flooded in.

“Just let him kill me." You were sobbing, curled back into the ball where your knees were pulled to your chest as you cried into them. A doctor tried to touch you and you instantly pulled away, like you were a wounded dog. Your hand covered your ears as you rocked back forth, and back and forth. “I need to see Conway." You muttered and then so lightly under your breath, “Conway, Conway, Conway."

“Angel, he's not here right now." He'd never be here, but further upset could be avoided.

You nodded slowly, “I need to see Peeta." At least that was doable.

“Tomorrow, he's been doing better, we can take you to see Peeta tomorrow." A doctor assured, no one wanted to sedate you again unless they absolutely had to, so this was much better.

“Promise?"

“We'll do what we can." She smiled at you sympathetically.

You slowly uncurled yourself from your ball, “Okay."

“Are you feeling better?"

“Yeah, I'm sorry." Thank god, no king crisis. Just a moment that had now passed.

“You're okay, just had a bad dream. Perfectly understandable, do you need anything?" You shook your head and the medical staff slowly began filing out.

“Can I stay?" Finnick's fingers found the rope to focus on. You looked at him for a second, like you were deep in thought, before nodding. So he took his place in the chair, “Do you wanna talk about it?"

“You should just kill me now." The words ran out of your mouth and made his heart drop, “I know you want to and I wanted you too. I probably deserve the uncertainty of when it will happen, but I'm selfish and just need it to be over with."

He wasn't sure if his heart had ever hurt more, but it was always reaching new levels of pain. “I don't want to kill you and I'm not going to ever.”

"You should. Even I know I should die, it's not wrong to admit.” You blankly stared at the glass in front of you.

“You don't deserve to die, you've done nothing with that. You've suffered enough to make up for whatever it is you think you did.”

"No I haven't, this is the universe’s lead up to it. I hurt him, the only person who really cared about me since we were children, and I tore him into shreds. It has to come for me.”

“Look at me.” You kept staring at the glass. Finnick's words came out harsher than he expected them too, but maybe it would mean they finally got through your head. “Look at me!” Finally you did, looking so startled and confused. "This karmic retribution fantasy needs to stop. It's been six years. I'm not telling you to stop hurting or that the guilt will go away, but it doesn't mean you need to continue to suffer or deserve death.” He leaned forward in his chair, "You used Conway, so you deserve death? You spent six years being used by any Capitol elite willing to pay. Being horrifically abused in any way imaginable. You got sent back into the arena! There was only one year you had a victor and she came out of the arena known for being ‘crazy.’ They sent you back into the arena to die and you didn't expect to come out of it. The Capitol held you hostage and tortured you. Have you not given enough to make up for what you did as a teenager? Conway, after six years, would have said it was more than enough to make up for a few weeks of deception. Even if this led to his death, because no matter what, he cared about you. He was angry then, but I doubt that in whatever happens after we die he's holding that grudge after watching you suffer for so long because he loved you. You don't want someone you love to go through something like that.”

You were sobbing again and Finnick felt his own eyes brimming with tears. “I miss him."

“I know, angel. I know." He would never be able to fill the role that Conway had and he'd long accepted that. All he could do was assure you that when I came down to the bare bones of it all, Conway as he was, wouldn't have wanted you to suffer as much as you had for it. Whatever punishment it caused had been more than paid and he would've known that. He would've told you that if he could. He'd been so angry in the moment, but Finnick knew Conway still would have loved you despite the transgressions in his heart and life because that had been his way. All Finnick could do was hope you didn't find a way to see what Conway would really say, in the near future, because then he'd follow quickly behind.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

thank you for reading, sorry this took so long, I've been very busy!! feedback, comment, likes, reblogs are all very appreciated. my ask box is always open and I loved answering them, requests are open and I've got some fics from them coming up after this. thank y'all so much for reading 💋

taglist: @aegonswife @avoxrising @artsyaquarium @jennaaaaaaaaaaaa @secretsicanthideanymore @darlingsoulbeautifulthoughts @thatonegayloser616 @libertyybellls @meri-soni-meri-tamanna @ravensinthedaylight @innercreationflower @uhnanix @aesthetic0cherryblossom @yourdailymemedelivery @ang3lflor @maxinehufflepuffprincess @prettybiching @miserablebl00d @wowzabowza69 @nomorespahgetti @problematicpastries @abaker74 @nj01 @whens-naptime @sarcasticbooknerd12 @cakes-hq @honethatty12 @s1lngwns @alliex-o @mushy-mushroom04 @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @korra-rail-me @scoliobean

[mxlti-fand0m-imaginess]

Exhausted // Ethan Landry

request: none!

prompts: none!

summary: preoccupied with studying and utterly exhausted, your movie night with your boyfriend slips your mind. but instead of being upset, ethan helps you let go of all your stress.

warnings: language

word count: 754

a/n: gn!reader, no physical desprictions of reader included, no ghostface au this has been in my drafts for a while, so i figured i might as well post it!

join my taglist!

You grumbled to yourself as you trudged up the stairs in your apartment building. The elevator was still broken, and at this point the idea of it ever getting fixed seemed impossible. You continued your seemingly endless journey up the flights of stairs, your eyes occasionally flitting closed from your utter exhaustion. 

It was nearing midterms, which meant more school work and more studying. You had spent the past three hours in the library pouring over textbooks and trying to get final projects completed and papers finished. After making very little progress and staring at a blank document that was supposed to have your English paper on it for forty-five minutes, you were drained. Each movement felt like it took every ounce of energy in your body, and you were struggling just to keep your eyes open long enough to make it back to your apartment.

Finally, you reached your floor and you pushed the door open, exiting the stairwell. Letting out a sigh of relief, you unlocked your apartment door and stepped inside, closing the door behind you. Almost immediately, you dropped your bag on the floor, followed by your coat and boots, as you felt the weight of the day slowly slipping away. And that’s when you saw Ethan.

Shit. It couldn’t have been Friday already, right? But one glance down at your phone confirmed it. You had been so busy with school, you hadn’t realized what day it was. Every Friday you and Ethan have a movie night instead of an official date night, due to your dislike for fancier things and his aversion to spending time in public places. But you were late, and you had forgotten. And the disappointed look on Ethan’s face said it all.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize that it was Friday! I’ve just been so busy with midterms coming up and I guess it just slipped my mind.” You walked over to Ethan who was sitting on your couch. “I really am sorry. Please don’t be mad.”

Ethan sighed, looking up at you and taking your hands into his. “You know I could never be mad at you. It’s not like you purposefully stood me up, you were busy. It’s fine.”

You bit your lip nervously, still a bit uneasy. “Are you sure? I feel awful. I know I’m like really late, but we could still watch a movie now. If you’d want?” Your words trailed off into a yawn, your eyes blinking back sleep.

“I’m sure. And we can reschedule for another time, you look exhausted, baby.”

You quickly shook your head. “I’m not that tired. I’ll be fine, really. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“I’m not gonna be disappointed if we don’t watch anything tonight. I just want to spend time with you. Movie or not, it doesn’t matter. All I want is to be with you.” Ethan smiled softly, forcing you to smile in return. 

Before you had the chance to respond, Ethan pulled you forward by your hands that were still in his, causing you to fall onto his lap. You laughed in surprise as he pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you tightly. Your legs managed to wrap around his back and your arms draped over his shoulders, clinging to him like a koala. 

This was what you needed. Not watching some random movie that neither of you really paid any attention to. Holding him tightly and feeling him hold you in return, it was like all the stress inside of you just melted away. You buried your face in his neck, your nose still a bit cold from the snow outside, which caused him to shiver slightly. You smiled to yourself, pressing a soft kiss to his neck.

“I love you,” he whispered, practically melting in your embrace.

You tried to tell him that you loved him too, but since you refused to remove your face from his neck, your words came out a muffled mess. He smiled nonetheless, knowing what you were trying to say. 

Soon your eyes grew heavy and your grip on him loosened. Before Ethan knew it, you were asleep, using him like your pillow. His heart warmed at the sight, you looked so peaceful while you were sleeping. A stark contrast to the stressed expression on your face when you had arrived. You snuggled closer to him in your sleep, your fingers lightly gripping his shirt. Ethan smiled before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

“Goodnight, my love.”

tags: @nowitsmissing @hyeyulove

[stuckinapril]

u don’t have to answer this if u don’t want to or u feel u don’t have anything to say on it (obvi) but how do u deal with jealousy and comparison?

i genuinely just like my shit. i love how i look like, i love my stuff, i love where i come from, i love my family and friends, and i appreciate all the circumstances (good and bad) that have led me to be the person i am today. i've done a lot of esteemable things that have bolstered my confidence growing up, like getting an extremely hard degree and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone more than ever before. i treat other people w kindness and respect. i make sure to be a source of support rather than needless negativity. what people think of me (or have) doesn't get under my skin anymore, bc i've already proven my worth to myself. the fact of the matter is, i'll always hold my own opinion of myself higher than i do other people's opinions of me. i'm at a place where i just don't care that much. i've lost the need to correct people on their takes of me a long time ago.

my own happiness is king--everything else is secondary. if i like it, that's enough for me.

i find it pointless to compare myself to somebody else, simply because no two people have been dealt the exact same cards. i wouldn't compare a rose to a lily, so why should i be comparing myself to people who're--no matter who they are, no matter where they're from--never gonna be me? i'm me. the only person i should be comparing myself to is my past self. i am only in competition w myself. that is all.

as for jealousy, viewing people who have things i want as proof of concept has really helped. if another person gets a higher score on a test, i don't get jealous that they outdid me. i just view them as proof that i can get that score if i studied more efficiently. someone else's success isn't a lack of your own--it's just proof you can reach that success, even if the route doesn't look exactly the same, even if it might take longer.

contentment is entirely subjective. i've known wealthy people who're incredibly miserable. i've known people who struggle financially but could not be happier. other people's advantages don't rattle me, bc i don't care about them, bc i'm so eternally grateful for what i already have. i've also never really been that materialistic to begin with, so i've always understood that a person's worth lies in who they are rather than what they own (whether it be things, money, opportunities...). i can say w my whole chest that i wouldn't swap places w the most famous, most rich celebrity there is. i legitimately don't want to. i know that even if i have to work harder for things, i'll have more to say by the end of it all, and that in and of itself is so profound. not to mention the satisfaction from having challenged myself to get there--and i love a good challenge.

i've unleared the idea that i should view other women as competition. life is hard, we all struggle, we'll be living in a man's world for a long time, and it's just not worth the energy. yeah i'm ambitious, but not at the expense of other people. there's enough room for everyone. another woman's achievement doesn't mean less space for mine. we'll all be fine.

w all that said!! there are bad days. no human is just confident all the time, doesn't feel jealous all the time, doesn't compare themself all the time, doesn't let people's opinions get under their skin all the time. don't feel bad for doing it every now and then. it's natural and normal and just part of the human experience. nobody is perfect. just focus on you, view other people as inspiration rather than competition, and compare your progress to nobody else's but your own. it's been a game changer for me :)

[steddieas-shegoes]

For the requests: heard of hearing and/or partially blind Steve + his parents realizing. Maybe they come home & see how their house has changed to be more accessible for Steve? Or something like that.

HONESTLY THIS ONE HURTED. But as usual, you provide the quality shit!!!! Poor Steve, but also if it ain't hurt/comfort, then did I even write it? Everyone loves Steve. Except his parents. His parents suck. But everyone else? Angels. Hope you love it darling!!! - Mickala ❤️

--------------------------------------------------------------

Concussions were a bitch.

Multiple concussions in a three year period were a bitch.

But the worst part was when he noticed he couldn’t hear out of his left ear. Robin had been talking to him at work on his left side, whispering about some customer that was walking down every single aisle as if they didn’t know what movies were out, and he didn’t even notice until she switched sides halfway through a sentence.

He pretended it was fine, that he’d heard her the whole time, but then she asked him a question he couldn’t answer. She walked to his left side and said something, and when he shook his head, she bit her lip, fighting back tears.

“It’s okay, Robs. I can still hear out of the other one,” Steve said to comfort her, but also to comfort himself.

If he lost it in one ear, he could lose it in the other, and then what?

She tried to convince him to get a hearing aid, but he didn’t think he needed one.

“Your parents sent you money for medical expenses, use it for this!”

But he couldn’t.

And then he started getting blurry vision in both eyes. The left was rapidly growing worse, and Dustin noticed.

“Dude, you’re squinting. Do you have a migraine? You could’ve had Eddie drive me.”

“Nah, just tired. Trying to focus.”

Part of that was true. The squinting helped him focus a little, but he knew he had to do something about it.

So he sat down with Robin and came up with a plan.

He hated every fucking second of it.

“You get a scan first, we need to know if this is gonna keep getting worse or what permanent damage is there. You get glasses-“

“I might not need-“

“You get glasses. Then you get fitted for a hearing aid.”

“Yes ma’am,” Steve rolled his eyes.

But looking back, he was grateful Robin made him do it.

The doctors had been amazed he was able to talk with the damage done.

“Will I lose my ability to talk?” He asked, realizing that not being able to hear, see, and talk was too much for him to deal with.

“I think we can work through some physical therapy type exercises to make sure that doesn’t happen. I’m glad you came in now and not a few years from now.”

Robin never said ‘I told you so,’ probably sensing that Steve wasn’t coping well with the news.

They told him he would most likely lose all hearing over the years, and his vision would progressively get worse, though it would most likely plateau and he wouldn’t lose it completely.

They said he needed to do vocal exercises every day, brain exercises as often as possible, and to come back the moment he recognized any change in his speech.

So he lived with the anxiety of not being able to communicate with anyone he loved every second of every day.

Dustin, Will, Mike, and Max had done research for weeks, finding things they could do to help him live in his house alone. Sure, they were there often, almost enough to be considered roommates, but that wouldn’t always be the case.

They would all grow up and leave.

Max had lost her own vision after Vecna, only able to see light and sometimes movement, but never any detail.

The day he got his glasses, she threatened him with murder if he didn’t wear them.

“The more you strain your eyes, the worse they’ll get. Wear the glasses. I’m sure you look just as cute as always.”

He didn’t have anything to say to that, but he didn’t want to piss Max off, so he wore them all day every day.

Dustin had found a way to wire the doorbell to the lights in the whole house, so if it rang, and somehow Steve couldn’t hear, he’d see the lights flash three times from any room he was in.

He’d done something similar with the walkie, so Steve would know if someone was trying to communicate with him.

Will figured out a light system for the phone, where it flashed with green while it rang and red if he missed a call that went to their voicemail.

It only worked if he was in the kitchen, living room, or his bedroom and paying attention, but the thought behind it made him want to cry.

He got debilitating migraines frequently, which left him bedbound, unable to even get up to use the bathroom on his own sometimes.

They figured out a signal for his walkie that he could push the button in a sort of Morse code to make sure someone knew he needed help.

If he couldn’t get to his walkie for some reason, Dustin programmed buttons on all the phones: *1 called Robin, *2 called Eddie, and *3 called Dustin.

All of his meds were moved to the drawer by his bed, with a reminder note in every room of his house, just in case he forgot.

Which was apparently another thing he had to worry about: his memory.

The doctors seemed to think he would be okay if he stayed active and healthy otherwise, and definitely needed to avoid another concussion, but they did say he could notice some issues as he got older.

Mike looked up what vitamins he needed to help boost his memory and vision, and increased his iron intake to hopefully stave off some of the migraines before they even started. He put the instructions with his medication reminders all over the house.

But what surprised him most was what happened when his parents came home early on a random Thursday morning.

He was dealing with a bit of a migraine hangover, the day before being a blur of calling for help, reaching for his meds, and Eddie arriving to make sure he stayed hydrated and made it to the bathroom as needed.

Eddie was still here, in fact.

So when he heard them banging around downstairs, his eyes flew open and he looked at a still sleeping, very shirtless Eddie next to him in his bed.

Nothing happened obviously. Eddie just ran hot.

But his parents had already been questioning him a lot about not having a girlfriend in a while and hanging out with “queers” like those two things alone could make him gay.

And if they saw Eddie like this, they would make assumptions.

Assumptions that would get him kicked out of the house that everyone just worked so hard to make accessible for him.

So he got up as quickly, but quietly as he could, ignoring the buzz in his ear where his hearing aid was loose from sleeping in it. He wasn’t technically supposed to, but he didn’t like anyone touching his head on migraine days so it stayed in.

Eddie didn’t budge, and he hoped he stayed that way while he tried to keep his parents busy.

Then the lights flashed and he heard the distant high pitched ring of the doorbell.

“What the hell?” His father asked as Steve ran down the stairs.

“Steven?” His mother asked as he flew past them and made it to the front door.

“Steve!” Dustin yelled excitedly as Steve glared at him.

“Dustin, not now.”

“Why? I saw Eddie’s van, so I figured-“

“Who is at the door, Steven?”

Steve closed his eyes and heard Dustin mumble ‘shit’, before he turned around to face his parents.

His glasses were dirty, but he could see that the looks on their faces were not impressed.

“Since when do you wear glasses?” His mom asked.

“Is that a hearing aid?” His dad added.

“Dustin, I’ll call you later.”

“Answer the questions.”

“I started wearing glasses and the hearing aid after a few concussions that caused a lot of damage.”

“What’s going on with the lights? Do they always flicker like that?”

Steve hadn’t really expected them to care much about him, but it still hurt a little how quickly they became concerned about the house instead of him.

“They’re a visual aid so if I’m not wearing my hearing aid or my hearing gets worse, I’ll know when the doorbell rings.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“Yeah, it is,” Eddie said from the stairs, luckily not shirtless.

“Who the hell are you?” Steve’s dad didn’t waste time with pleasantries, he never did unless someone had something to offer him.

“I’m Eddie. Steve’s friend.”

“His friend?” Steve’s mom was hesitant to be obvious about what she meant, but everyone could understand where she was going with the questioning.

“Yeah, or would you prefer if we were boyfriends?”

Steve couldn’t help the snort he let out.

Eddie wasn’t the type to hide himself away, but he wouldn’t purposely make Steve’s life harder.

“Is there a reason you’re here?”

“I was taking care of him yesterday. It got late so I stayed.”

“Take care of him?” His mother turned back towards him. “Are you sick?”

“I get migraines.”

“We all get migraines, Steven,” his father said as he crossed his arms.

“But we all don’t get the kind that leave us crying and throwing up for hours on end because we can’t even see straight, do we, Richard?” Eddie asked as he walked closer to them.

“I don’t know who you think you are-“

“I told you, I’m Eddie. And as far as I’m concerned, I, and quite a few other people in town, are quite good at taking care of Steve. Unlike his parents.”

“Steve’s a grown man-“

“Yeah, now. But where were you when he wasn’t and got the concussions that caused this?”

Steve could feel his head pulsing, and he knew his migraine would be back at full force if he didn’t rest.

He took his hearing aid out for a bit of relief, the volume of his father and Eddie arguing going down considerably.

He massaged his neck the best he could, knowing that the release of some tension would at least keep the pain at bay until this could be over.

Then, he saw the phone start flashing green.

“What is going on with the phone?”

His mother directed the question at him, but Eddie stopped berating his father long enough to answer her.

“It’s so Steve knows it’s ringing if he happens to have his hearing aid out like he does now. In case no one is here with him and someone needs to reach him.”

“That explains not answering our calls.”

“I think that could just be that you don’t call at all.”

Eddie moved closer to Steve.

“Go upstairs, Stevie,” he said quietly into his right ear. “I can handle them.”

Steve was too tired, too frustrated, too borderline on a migraine to fight.

He walked upstairs, ignoring his father’s protests, his mother’s pleas, and Eddie standing in front of them both raising his voice to be heard.

Everything felt blurry as he removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes when he made it up the stairs.

His room was dark still, the blackout curtains still drawn closed, lights off, like Eddie had suspected it might be a bad day again.

His pills were on the table, a cup of water next to them. He set his glasses down and took them, trusting that Eddie followed the instructions perfectly.

He always did.

He always took such good care of him.

He came at the drop of a hat, even if Robin was already here. He brought Steve’s favorite soda, insisted it helped with migraines even though it probably didn’t. He massaged the spot on Steve’s neck that always held the most tension, pulled him close until he fell asleep on the couch or in the bed, always on his chest.

He’d been learning and teaching everyone sign language too.

Steve had started learning immediately, and so did Robin, but Eddie had insisted on it too, and started teaching the kids. He’d been showing Max one sign at a time, putting her fingers and hands into the movement so she knew how to do it.

And Steve didn’t think he could love Eddie more.

But he figured if Eddie was interested in him, he would have made a move already.

He could very distantly hear Eddie’s voice saying something, but he wasn’t sure what. With his hearing aid out, he usually couldn’t hear anything downstairs from his room.

He closed his eyes, settling under the blankets so he could try to do what Eddie wanted him to.

He drifted in and out, tired, but not quite enough to fall asleep all the way.

At some point, Eddie had made it back to the room and got in bed, his hand running through Steve’s hair gently.

“Eds?”

“It’s alright, Stevie. Your parents are gone. They won’t be back again for a while.”

“Mkay.”

He let himself drift again, safe with Eddie there.

[therabbitthatpostthings]

Live Arcane Reaction; Act 3:

Ep 7: Thank god the killmonger cut only exist in the hell dimension- don’t let them give you a fuck ass cut Ekko.

Powder my princess- IS THAT VANDER’S FINE ASS

OH MY GOD MILO CLAGGOR!!!

Jayce my princess I never doubted you. I knew the Hexcore fucked you up girl🫶🏾

Goddammit every frame in this show is a painting

VI MY POOKIE BEAR WHY

There is something so heartbreaking about the Bridge of Progress being used as an actual progression between the two cities. An olive branch. What could have been.

Jayce istg they do not want you to be happy-

BRO HE JUST WANTED TO PLAY WITH SOME MAGIC-

“Viktor is the mage” theory you might just have merit

Arcane artists I will see you in HELL for that Viktor/Jayce parallel of them literally building themselves up, morphing their damaged bodies to move forward.

Ekko and Jinx girls enjoy your SCRAPS-

WHAT WE COULD OF BEEN GODDAMMIT! FUCK!!!!!

Actual fucking tears in my eyes- FUCK THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SO CUTE- also the hard cut to Jayce and the Hexcore glitching like TV glitches as the universe breaks down.

MY BOY JUST WANYES TO PLAY IN SOME MAGIC!

Thank god he didn’t die in that universe too I would have crashed out Powder deserves to be- SHE KEPT THE CRYSTAL!?

Ep 8: oh thank god my Pookies is alive- IS ANYTHING SACRED- why the fit kinda eat tho….

I need everyone to understand I was SO happy about Mel being alive that I barely understood anything those mages said. I was just happy my babygirl is alive. GOD THAT MAKES THE FLOWER IMAGERY IN THE OPENING MUCH BETTER.

I just remembered Isha is dead... FUCK HIEMERDINGER DIED TOO 😭

Nooo Vander- NO VIKTOR- nice to know I am not immune to indoctrination.

Huck cannot catch a break omfg

LORIS MY BELOVED 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

Hi traitor- omg Cait cute hairstyle

The divorce is not going well for these two.

Jayce and Mel have not seen each other for god knows how long- DONT FUCKING YELL AT HER JUST CAUSE YOUR SITUATIONSHIP WENT SOUTH!

The throuple is back together and it’s TOXICCCC

I would just like to point out that when Viktor said this all started with Jayce, the parallels between Jayce and Ekko is still going. Like I could on for pages about these two at this point.

Fuck they made this Yaoi TOXIC-

FUCK THEY MADE THIS MAGIC TOXIC- is it wrong still stand by Viktor. Like I know he’s wrong but he’s so fine. Jayce and Viktor’s parallels, Jayce and Ekko- lord.

FUCKING FINALLY THE SISTERS ARE- well shit

Jayce and Mel, I never doubted this ship. I never doubted this relationship. I thought they were good for each, the rest of the world is just full of haters.

Sevika thank god they dumb bitches get on my nerves, I need someone with a functioning brain cell to lead us to salvation.

I’m gonna be on my fucking deathbed talking about the Zaunites joining Piltover to fight a battle they done have to, to save their homes- to make Progress.

Vi, it’s okay- OH MY GOD

Istg this show cannot- I’m- Ambessa my love I’m still reeling from the gays, give me a moment. VANDER MY LOVE NOOO! SINGED I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL!

Oh fuck- we’re in it now

Ep 9:

EKKO THANK GOD- most stressful 3 mins of my life.

Honestly I don’t trust these dumb bitches at all. Jayce and Vi are like 2 for 2 on losing fights. Ekko save us Ekko. I had hope on Sevika but her leaving is so real. She has been let down by these people so many times- GERT NOOOOO

LORIS NOOOOOO

Thank god fish guy made it

Ambessa rises from the ashes like a demon- I KNEW IT I KNEW THAT BITCH WAS A TRAITOR!

GOD IS A WOMAN AND HER NAME IS MEL MEDARDA!!!

YEA JINX! SEVIKA IM SORRY I DOUBTED YOU QUEEN NEVER AGAIN I SWEAR!

There is something so special to me about piano boy being the one to make the shot. Like the smallest thing can make a difference, anyone can rise to the occasion.

Of course Ambessa is one step ahead

I have issues, I still think Viktor is so hot rn.

I know my girls are getting their asses beat rn but let’s appreciate they let the girls get down and dirty in a fight. No pretty fighting- my bitches scrap-

Bow your heads. We lost THE bad bitch today.

Omfg there’s still like 20 mins left

I should have known this plan was gonna go to shit the minute Jayce and Vi sat next to each other.

Praying for the salvation for my girl, Sevika I promised not to- FUCK

Ekko please save these idiots- SAVE US EKKO.

Jayce understanding that he was the soldier in the ash like yeah dummy- DID IT CLICK YET- Please let Viktor be the mage, I will not let this theory die.

Fuck I wanna side against Viktor but he looks gorgeous in the Arcane.

Oop Jayvik nation rise.

EKKO THANK GOD THATS MY BOY SAVIOR

HE WAS THE MAGE THE WHOLE TIME-

I’m actually in tears this isn’t a bit, like I’m actually crying

Viktor I never doubted you, I never forsaken you, I never hated you, I never turned against you, I never thought less of you. He could have actually succeeded and I would have stood by him.

Oh damn Jayvik nation rise for real, I was just joking the first time-

JINX I NEVER DOUBT- FUCK

This show is so beautiful, every scene a painting. Mel in all noxian gear while still wearing her purple eyeshadow, a mix of her roots but also the promise to move forwards and look ahead.

Yall im so fucking stressed and there’s only 3 minutes left.

No one talk to me for the next few days- I’m going through some shit okay-

[cementcornfield]

The flaws in the team - is this fixable in one offseason?

I’m worried they’re gonna see how close some games were and talk themselves out of making necessary changes 😕

god. i have no idea. the thing is that the bengals have always had this reputation, and it's a fair one for the most part. but as a new fan, i've only been experiencing these good years. (became aware of them during the super bowl, really got into them the next season. luckily became a fan right around when they went on a 10 game win streak so like, i wasn't aware this team DID lose?? and now look at me.)

i think, if you want to be Fair, the front office and organization HAVE been making changes. selling the stadium naming rights, making an in-season trade, paying joe the most guaranteed money they've ever paid, these are all steps in the right direction. but you can also fairly point out that a lot of this is way too little too late. they are far far behind the way most other front offices are run, and we're seeing the consequences of that.

i hope that progress keeps being made. i hope they see what they have in joe and ja'marr after this insane season, and see how they've let them down. i think joe (and certainly ja'marr lol) is the type to speak his mind when he sees something he's not happy about. i'm not sure how much power or sway he does have in the organization, but i imagine it's more than pretty much any player they've had til this point. and i can only hope they listen to him!! (without him having to threaten a trade, which i wouldn't blame him for. but i don't think it's come to that quite yet.)

in terms of what changes they could reasonably make this offseason, i think we need to (ONCE AGAIN) focus on drafting and signing defensive talent. it sucks because oh my god we've dedicated so many resources to that the last few years, but we just keep missing (and of course letting the actual proven talent go, assuming we can replace and it turns out we can't!) and then when you think about how high-potential players haven't developed, you do have to look at coaching. lou has been incredible for us scheme-wise the last few years. he is one of the few DCs who has proven he can consistently limit patrick mahomes, josh allen, and even lamar sometimes (less so this year lol). but! when you take away his top talent, he's not able to reproduce these results reliably. which i mean, that's a hard ask for anyone, but it's his job to work with the tools given, and two years in a row now he's proven that he can't set up the players he has currently on the roster for success. so the answer might be in replacing him? or at the very least, keep him for his scheming creativity but maybe replace position coaches? who actually work with and develop the guys every day?

i still think zac's job is safe. and i know i'm in the minority when i say i'm mostly okay with that. when you look at this team's problems, and what they've been able to do on offense this year despite key injuries, i still think that's impressive. and obviously you can attribute some of that to joe's ability to improvise, but i think when you look at the game plans recently, they've been pretty good overall. zac definitely still has trouble with deciding on when to be aggressive, and sometimes he gets too cute with shit, but i really don't think he's this team's biggest problem, and i think joe is still very much on his side. if that changes though, then yeah, i'd think zac's seat could get pretty hot.

oh i do think we need to get rid of frank though. our o-line is better at pass protection this year, especially when orlando is in and having one of his best years statistically. and i get that when we have joe at qb, we're always going to prioritize passing, that's fine. but i'm pretty sure we're dead last in run blocking. which is a shame because chase brown has shown he can be pretty special! but we need to give him SOMETHING to work with on these runs. and given that frank is the o-line AND run coordinator, it's pretty evident that he's the problem there. so maybe the team gets rid of him? hopefully?

i dunno, this has become a whole rant but these are just some of the things that i think could happen? and maybe if they do, we'll be in better shape next year to get things figured out. i'm excited to watch our young guys this season, see what we have in them. because they could definitely be the key to success next season!

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

Gaiden has been progressing well! I'm having a TON of fun playing and it's just. SO GOOD SKDJKWKW. I'm having fun with fights again! This is already shaping up to be a contender for my TOP3 games list.

I'm in chapter 2.

Okay first of all, Kiryu has an agent arc??? Interesting! Also this game is GORGEOUS. As gorgeous as Kiryu himself kdjdkwksw🫡 Damn does he look mighty fine in this one.

Based on the year given, this seems to be set around Like a Dragon? So this is a kind of "Meanwhile elsewhere" type of thing? Makes sense now why my mutual said that this game HAS TO be played at this specific point.

Please do not. Remind me of this. I haven't healed yet. Ouchies. Brb, gonna cry a little. Just a bit. I KNOW why he made this decision but it's painful 😭

I don't know why, but the whole "I gave up my name" thing hurts me surprisingly lot. I never really thought about it much, the thought of having to give up my name and being forced to live behind aliases makes me ache.

It's one thing to have your name changed on paper, but not having a proper name at all just makes it feel even more like you're totally isolated and will never be able to settle and be a part of society again. Never fully belonging anywhere; just drifting along without proper attachments. And in this case, fully dependant on Daidoji to have a place in the world at all. And I know it's basically what Kiryu signed up for, but... oof.

Kiryu in general has this extremely depressed look and vibe. He seems very numb and sad. Which is totally valid considering EVERYTHING, but it really does show just how terrible his mental health is right now. The last time he seemed this apathetic was at the start of Y5, but even then he seemed to at least have a sort of anger or frustration keeping him going. Now he's just... empty.

For a single second I was going HANNYA MAN FROM YAKUZA KIWAMI??? And then realized this guy's build and hair are totally different and that Majima's tattoos don't go that far down his arms :( And there's the whole fact that Majima saw Kiryu for the first time again at the Daigo-Watase "We're quitting and so are you" party.

First of all, MASSIVE meme potential here.

Secondly...

PLEASE DON'T DIE, COOL OLD MAN. I love you <3

I find Kiryu and Hanawa's dynamic interesting. Despite Hanawa being... well, not an asshole, but seemingly not very pleasant either, Kiryu seems to actually like the dude somewhat. He did say Hanawa is "the only connection I have made in this dull, pathetic existence" which is... okay - first of all - let's not unpack all that trauma, hurt and depression right now!! But I also get the feeling that there is a type of fondness here. Idk; maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome. But I have a hard time believing that 100%.

The first "That's a Lot Of Men" of the game for me. It's not like a MASSIVE horde of people, but this is still kinda early on in the game.

Yupp, knew immediately Kiryu wouldn't take the deal. Firstly, reviving Kiryu Kazuma and going back to his family would basically just take him back to the situation he escaped by dying. Back to square 1.

Secondly, Kiryu would never have a man killed just to be happy himself. That's just not how he operates. You'd think people would have that figured out by now.

Also can y'all stop using the Morning Glory kids as a "haha gotcha now you gotta help us"??? That never ends well for anyone, never has; y'all are idiots😭

I love Akame!! She's incredible ^_^ She's like... Sotenbori's own Florist but she looks after her people more and takes on a more active role in helping them.

....

Speaking of... what DID happen to the Florist? Did the man die?? Or was he finally sent to... The Side Characters We No Longer Need Void™ ??? Insane. RIP you legend.

ANYWAY. I feel like being around Akame will definitely do Kiryu some good. Having someone who's not a total asshole around might help him feel at least somewhat better for a bit.

I'm gonna grind the SHIT out of Akame network, the perks are way too good to pass up on. And I don't wanna rush through the game.

Hii my precious!!! ☺️🫶🏻

Tiger Drop is actually very cheap. Gonna go for it fr. I'm not in the habit of spamming it on everything, but I find learning the timing and using it properly very satisfying. I feel like it's gonna be VERY difficult to pull off in this game since the combat IS very different from Y6.

[mdhwrites]

Honestly It's quite disrespectful and insulting, how Dana cared more about her beef with Disney than making a good show for the fans who supported her, some even financially. I've had it with her extreme fans raging to people when she's criticized for her obvious lack of care on S3 (the story in general), spamming and blaming on Disney and the shortening. Now that's revealed it wasn't Disney's fault for "ruining S3" since there was no S3 to begin with, that just puts more salt on the wound.

And lying about having plans for S3, what was that about? Stirring more hate on Disney? I find that pitiful and pathetic. If fans are gonna get mad at her from this revelation they have the right to do so. Toh should've stayed in the drafts or be written as a freelanche comic

Edit: I do think this person is too harsh on Dana as a person. I'm curious even what they mean by financial support from her fans (her charity livestreams? Unless she does those more often for personal gain but those people would likely donate anyways as just fans of the show) but as I go into below, I do agree that her unprofessionalism is a real problem and that with the fandom she somewhat helped rile up, it makes it frustrating to learn that a lot of this was on vapor. Not lies, but just... Not nearly as much solid foundation as we were led to believe. There is a lot to be said about how Dana, from my understanding, has been one of the most available leads on a show... Period? At bare minimum, for modern cartoons. Like others will talk but Dana was extremely candid. In fact, it feels like she probably learned some lessons from it because the blaming Disney stuff actually went DOWN as the show progressed. Like at least now it's "I wish I could have done more things," rather than, I dunno, just straight up trying to say they're why episodes you're not proud/ of aren't as well regarded didn't turn out.

Which she did.

With S1A.

Before SEASON TWO was out.

Like... You just shit talked literally half of the content that is out for your show and threw your publisher under the process. Why do I think that might not have been received well?

And when I was biggest in the fandom, around the time the news of the shortening happened, you heard a LOT of different explanations from Dana, like it was one executive who made the call or how TOH wasn't a 'part of Disney's brand' or the like. When the Florida stuff came out with Disney, she pretty explicitly called Disney out for it (which is fine and I approve) but then went on to insinuate that it was hard for her to believe that the show had been cancelled for any reason besides representation, a move I DON'T approve of and makes ZERO sense with how they got to do so much more gay shit in S2B and even add new elements like confirming Masha was they/them or confirming Luz being Bi on screen in Thanks to Them. It's not a great look for a director, especially during the times these statements were coming out.

Being unprofessional admittedly doesn't make her a bad person but like... Yeah, I get upset thinking about the contradictions here too. That even in the same post Hoot that she has to admit that the shortening pushed them creatively and they had no real plans, she's still talking like she had plans. Like there was something to be missed when... No. Not for the STORY. Just your bucket of ideas for a perpetual series.

It leans into the idea that saying you were going to do X means you would have done it perfectly. That Dana doesn't understand that the only perfect work is the one never done. She's fine with being remembered for what wasn't there if it means being remembered better. As a creator myself who struggles with putting things to the page... I don't know. It hurts to some extent.

Which just a small update: I've been having real trouble focusing the past couple days. My head is not on well right now. It's why these are being a bit more emotional and late night rather than my normal posts in the morning because that's just how I've felt like doing it. Hope you're all taking care of yourselves and see you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[milfgyuu]

I haven't sent one of these in a hot minute! The last gifset had me thinking: Sincr it's 🎃time, how about assigning the typical horror movie roles/tropes to Seventeen? Like, we already know Mingyu is The Hot Girl that Dies First™️ 🤣 (grouping them is also fine!)

HELL YEAH, it's spooky time!!!!! I am popping these under a read-more jusssst in case there are some sweet angels on my blog that may be sensitive to the themes or aren't into the horror genre <3

but if you're into SVT and horror film roles/tropes, read below!

Cheol - is surviving. idc. he's giving Chad Michael Murray in House of Wax like he definitely is kind of the asshole with a seedy past in the movie but it's also the reason he is making it out alive because he's fighting back. mf is running around with a tire iron and a gash down the side of his face and he's PISSED.

Jeonghan/Minghao - is taking things a little too...unseriously. like "why are you guys freaking out? ooooh he's gonna getcha!" probably even finds himself getting caught or injured and laughs when everyone gets mad at him because "it was just a joke, omg u guys". definitely turns out to be the killer in the end.

Joshua - god, sorry, but he's the handsome, sweet, innocent boyfriend of the female lead who gets absolutely gutted by the killer in the first half of the movie. Like he is the letterman jacket-wearing jock bf of Drew Barrymore's character in the original Scream. He was truly a bystander but boy is he pretty.

Junhui/Hoshi - He's just a side character but the whole audience loves him! and then he gets kidnapped and disappears halfway thru the movie so everyone assumes he's dead but just when the killer is about to whack the main character he shows up out of nowhere and knocks them out with a fire extinguisher to save them. he's a hero, baby. he still might get got tho :/

Woozi - can we get fluffy for a sec? i know it's horror tropes but this is Thackery Binx from Hocus Pocus, ok? he was kind of a little shit and then he got turned into a cat so now he's chasing around these three idiot kids trying to help them stop the witches from eating all the kids in Salem and he's perpetually irritated at his lack of opposable thumbs bc if he had them, he could just do it all himself.

Wonwoo - he's the dark-knight detective on the case. he's scary, kinda shady, and is likely doing a ton of illegal shit to find leads and force information out of people, but he's not a bad guy. He's been on the case for over a decade and lives off black coffee and cigarettes. definitely makes it to the end and has a hand in taking the killer down.

Mingyu - ok, yes, i still think he's the token slasher-bimbo - like he's the opening kill before the title sequence BUT alternatively, he's the martyr...he's the character you end up loving and then you have to watch as he sacrifices himself so everyone else lives & we love/hate him for it. We weep for him. We write alternate ending fics for him.

Seokmin - Sigh, he's the dad who buys the super-haunted house in a paranormal horror flick. He can't afford to move because he poured his life savings into buying the house. Shit keeps getting progressively worse. His dog chased something into the woods and never came back. His kids are possessed. His wife is floating in the corner and making weird noises. but he's hot - like ryan reynolds in Amityville.

Vernon - bro, he is actually Darry from Jeepers Creepers. I literally can't explain this to you if you haven't watched this CLASSIC and those of you who have seen it...you get it. Like why tf is he ignoring Ms. Dabney????? she's trying to save him and he's like...ok weirdo...i'm gonna go check out that hole where it looks like bodies are being dumped...bye.

Seungkwan - he's not going in that fuck-ass house dude. he's not doing it. he will stand guard with whatever makeshift weapon he can find and he's talking mad shit about everyone and their stupid plan the whole time he's waiting. he is, however, a good friend, and he will run into the house the first time he hears someone scream. is soooo pissed when he finds out it was over nothing and now he's stuck with everyone else in the death trap.

Chan - he is the planner, the optimist, the strategist. he is getting everyone the hell out and he's got the brains and balls to pull it all off. like, my boi is setting traps as if he's Freddie in Scooby Doo. He is pissing the killer off left and right. definitely gets himself in a pinch - almost meets his end - and still, somehow finds a way to live.

[onlyancunin]

Hey guys,

a little update on my situation with my ex if anyone's interested. Gonna be a doozy, but there's just so much in my head right now and I know there might be some worrying about me.

Or maybe I'll just spark a bit of confidence in someone else ✨

You know how you get a pizza, all excited, try it, and it's not good? Like it was fine at first and hey, you were hungry, but with each bite it progressively got worse. Do you stopped after a piece or two or three. And just tossed out the rest.

But it was enough to give you a severe food poisoning. So you spend a good portion of the next however many days throwing up and not being able to meet with friends and family because you're too sick. And you're so frustrated, because the pizza wasn't even that good, and you didn't eat that much, but you're still unable to function??

So yeah, I got severe emotional poisoning from relationship with my ex. But after we broke up I got nowhere to go, and he agreed to continue living together, so that I can move out once I secure money for deposit and whatnot.

Never go for that.

Last Sunday ex threw another jealous fit at me, making me unable to work for another 2 days - and then he was off to holiday with his friends (which couldn't come quick enough, I literally counted hours for him to leave). That left me and severely poisoned, but also gave me opportunity to collect myself and regroup a little away from him.

3 days later I had a new place and just today I got the keys.

Coincidentally my post about him about two months ago sparked a friendship with someone from here (Tumblr is a country okay). She kept me together through all that and let me tell you this was fucking tantalizing. It's surreal how things can change in such a short time. Having her as a friend truly opened my eyes as to what a relationship is NOT, seeing how someone who was just a stranger a few months ago, today cared for me more than he ever did.

I gave myself up for scraps of attention and believed when everyone around was telling me he is "one of the good guys". He came from nice, big family, with stable finances, nice group of friends. A noble job, a paramedic, which always impressed my sorry graphic design/IT developer ass. Like the only thing I'm saving is oceans from existing with the amount of shit that's being produced partly by my designs. So it felt good to be supportive of the good person and finally have a family, since I do not have one of my own.

Which is probably why I took the break-up so badly, even if I initiated it. I felt incredibly guilty for letting everyone around down. Everyone loved him. And I mean everyone. The only thing I ever aired I discussed with people outside of our common friends, and those were the people who told me something doesn't add up. And as I started following my gut feeling (and had a speedrun to breakup by hurting my knee and needing help where my ex completely dropped the ball), he started acting up. Suddenly setting boundaries with his family was me being jealous over him even having one, I just couldn't understand apparently how I'll never be the most important to him. Me asking him to be here for me when I'm having a hard time was met with "You're having a hard time EVERY DAY!".

Essentially I just ruined his family visits, his vacation with my knee injury, his days with my bad moods etc. But he ruined one too many Sundays for me.

So here I am, packing my sh#t and planning what goes where because I know I will be thoroughly exhausted after all things are moved, so I need to plan ahead.

And I still throw up emotionally, sobbing every 10 minutes, I don't even know why anymore. I just cry until I stop and then I continue prepping for move.

It's just a bad pizza.

[callmegaith]

Oh... I saw a post on Reddit about some fans feeling like Rusty Lake is losing its plot with the last few games and it hurt to read cuz it made me realize... Yeah... Kinda. At first I thought "I just didn't care much about the last 2 games cuz they're about the Vanderbooms who I don't really give much of a crap about." But resurrecting characters like Albert out of nowhere and shit is like... Ugh. We didn't need him to come back his story ended fine in Roots. There are other characters who deserved more lore exploration. I'm biased clearly but literally been waiting so long for Mr. rabbit lore that sometimes feels is never gonna come and I'll forever be wondering why he did what he did. How he got there. And what happened to him or where he is now. And the whole two rabbits mystery yada yada yada. Literally one of the most mysterious characters. Seemed to have a plan and his own story happening in the background of Hotel and Birthday..... And then he's just never brought up again except in Dale's memories.

I miss the story being revolved around Dale and his journey to the lake... He's been stuck in that fucking elevator for ages now and I want the story to progress past that. I know they probably are trying to tie loose ends before they progress to that point but sometimes in efforts to do that, they're just muddying an already complicated plot more than it should be.

Like brotha I went on hiatus from the games for a couple of years and came back AND HES STILL IN THE FUCKING ELEVATOR AND LIKE 3 OTHER GAMES CAME OUT AT THAT TIME. The white door was pretty cool I liked the focus on Bob who had little lore before

The past within tho it has a cool concept is when things just started falling apart

I'm stuck hyperfixating on the games up to paradox cuz thats the golden age for the games for me. Everything after Paradox was just... Meh

People might disagree and that's fine. But something is starting to feel different and wrong about the games and I hope I HOPE the next game puts things back on track.

[lookismaddict]

Lookism Chapter 427 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made.)

BRUH, I GOT CHILLS WHILE READING THIS CHAPTER WTH. SHIRO ONI SUPREMACYYYY 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

OK GO OFF, MAD DOG KING 🔥

Ryuhei… the Japanese version of GOO? Hold up.

War Freak Blondie + Manwhore Blondie = CRAZY BLONDIE SUPREMACY 👬🏼💛

Look at them and their weapons. What badasses.

SIRRRRRR. LISTEN SHAWTY, BABY GIRL GUN, IDK IF YOU WANNA GO OR IF YOU WANNA “go”. 👁🫦👁 IM ALREADY DOWN BAD FOR YOU, LIKE I CANT-

(Bro got me sobbing and shiii. If he wasn’t in Lookism, he would’ve looked like a male lead for a romance manhwa or something. I’m not even gonna FRONT WITH YOU RN GUN, LIKE PLS- 😳 he looks like a daddy, I’m ASDFGHJKLAAJAHAHSHS)

Also, what type of KINKY ASS SHIT IS THIS??? LIKE, HUH? Ok PTJ, you might be onto something and I’m here to listen… 👀

DEADASS, ME WHILE I SAW THOSE SCENES. WTH. ALSO I STG, PTJ KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WHILE DRAWING THESE PANELS. IT’S OBVIOUSLY A SLUT-ON-SLUT FIGHT.

This scene was cold, ngl. 🧊

IT’S HIS ICONIC FACE AGAIN.

Bye Ryuhei, it was nice knowing you… 😭👋🏽

(THERE IT IS AGAIN. THAT TERRIFYING DEMON FACE. AHAHAHAHA)

GUN LOOKS SO GOOFY HERE, BAHAHAHAHAHA. I'M DYING-

BYE RYUHEI, YOU’RE DONE. YOU’RE DONE NOW.

Omg Eugene, you did not-

DAAAAANG. GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE NOW? WHEN DID EUGENE BECOME A PROPHET? SHEESH !!! EUGENE SACRIFICED RYUHEI LIKE HE WAS ABRAHAM, LIKE DAMN.

Ugh, I can’t lie. James Lee is also looking pretty fine. (I mean, he always serves bro. You don’t even question it.)

Ok, but let me talk about this panel right here. I really love the contrast how PTJ drew this scene, with this dark and light theme. It looks like a work of art imo. A battle for the heavens. This panel is giving you a closer look at how there’s going to be a serious fight and shit is actually about to go down. Gun and James here look like inhumane beings who are about to go all out, and we’re finally going to see the full strength of what Gun is actually capable of. James Lee will be a potential fighter against Gun and we’ll be able to see that in the next chapter. Who will peril in the end?

OK SIR. YOU ARE MAKING ME LOSE IT IN THIS CHAPTER!!! (IM LITERALLY BITING ON MY FIST BECAUSE OF THIS PANEL, HELP-)

In Gun’s head: “THAT’S MY SON RIGHT THERE.”

(Gun showing off Daniel like a proud parent who’s seeing their son off on their first day of school. Also, I completely forgot. James Lee is basically the only one who knows about Daniel and his other body while the rest don’t even know about it. That’s why he was also surprised about seeing OG Daniel’s progress. Correct me if I'm wrong because I forgot a lot of things from the previous chapters. )

But the end of this chapter though...

WE GET TO FINALLY SEE GUN PARK 👹 VS. JAMES LEE 😇

God, James Lee is so pretty here. Pretty angel boy.

Gun looks hella evil here LMAO, Devil Man.

PTJ giving us heat after heat, nonstop excitement. Gun just pulled up and now IT'S JAMES LEE'S TURN??? Nah, it's a wrap. Prepare yourselves for a throw down next chapter because shit's about to go down. 😈

[edhellfire]

Headcanon dump:

I have new followers so I figured I'd do a headcanon dump. Just some random facts about Eddie as I write him.

He's gonna be a tattoo artist when he grows up. He loves to draw and doodle (especially in class) so it feels like a natural progression.

I also will write him a rockstar verse where Corroded Coffin makes it.

In some verses, upon request, he is a single dad. His daughter's name is Halen. Halen Munson. His reasoning? When someone talks about them it's "Eddie and Valen" and he finds that amusing.

He will get more tattoos. I love the idea of him having a spider web tattoo on his neck.

In the rockstar verse, he def has his peepe pierced. In other verses, we'll see.

He's straight. Mostly. I've always wanted to experiment writing him liking boys but it's never happened. He's apparently very straight. Or, we haven't come across the right muse/chemistry to make him sway.

He is super respectful of women and tries his very hardest to not be scary when approaching women. A bit of mommy issues here but not in a bad way. Sidenote: don't ever speak ill of his mama.

He has a thing for cheerleaders. He can't explain it and neither can I.

He is not a virgin. Eddie, the freak, has had a surprisingly amount of action. He's got the bad boy thing going for him. However, he is every girl's "dirty little secret" because who wants the world to know they fooled around with the freak from the trailer park? He respects it and isn't one to kiss and tell anyway.

Guitar is his instrument of choice but Eddie has an ear for music and can pick up an instrument very quickly. He thinks the drums are very fun.

Eddie sings! But he's shy about it. Metal is fine because there's a lot of shouting involved but when he plays the acoustic and sings he wants to die of embarrassment. He has a good voice though. He's just a dumbass.

He's not dumb. I don't want to diagnose him (and I don't think that was common in the 1980s) but he definitely has something. Eddie just can't focus on things that don't interest him. He can be very good as physics, for example, because velocity and speed and he can see it in his head but give him algebra or calculus and he is extra fucked. His favorite subject in school is History. It's storytelling and he's a fan. His favorite time periods are Medieval and Renaiassance and shit like that.

Eddie was the kind of kid growing up that loved dinosaurs. Makes sense because dragons are like a natural progresion.

He can cook. Not saying he's a chef by any means but he has a handful of recipes down to an art. He taught himself as a kid when he got tired of eating canned soup and box mac and cheese when Uncle Wayne was working. He can't bake for shit though (and he would love to learn to bake cinnamon rolls and special brownies).

He doesn't usually do hard drugs anymore. He has to be in a dark dark place to go down that road. He had bad experiences. He also won't sell hard drugs to someone that is inexperienced.

He started smokig cigarettes at a scarily young age. I'm thinking around 12 when he started to steal them from his uncle Wayne. He used to smoke whatever but now he prefers menthols.

He feeds the strays that stroll into the trailer park. Cats, dogs, but his favorites are the raccoons that basically live in the dumpster.

He doesn't have any pets. Not because he doesn't want one but because he's scared he won't be a good pet-dad.

Speaking of dads, he has daddy issues. Daddy trauma really. The idea of being a dad terrifies him because he's scared he will turn out like his.

Eddie doesn't usually start fights. He will stand up for people but he will never start shit with someone else. That said, you say anything about his uncle and you're getting punched - even if you're bigger than him, even if he's outnumbered. He might not be the best son/nephew but he worships that man and is so damn grateful for him. He won't stand for Uncle Wayne slander.

Given the way he looks and his interests you would think his type is a rocker chick or a goth girl. You're wrong. Eddie loves femine girls or casual girls. A girl in a dress or a girl in a messy bun and a big tshirt. That sorta thing.

Eddie has always loved to read, ever since he was a kid. Because of this he's full of useless information.

He loved cryptids. He doesn't fuck with fairies though - they scare him.

He has a stuffed dragon that's missing an eye and lives under his bed. He got it from his mom when he was little and he's kept it since. It lives under his bed because Eddie logic says it's dark like a cave. It's named Draco after the constellation because when Eddie was a baby and couldn't sleep his mom would take him outside and they'd stargaze. One of the few memories he has of his mom.

Eddie logic is something that will come in threads. It's the way Eddie thinks. His brain just doesn't process things like a normal person but it makes sense to him and it's the hill he'll die on.

He's not a sports guy. Not because it doesn't fit the persona but because he's always sucked at them. Uncle Wayne would try to play catch with him as a kid and he would either miss or duck. He can run though and he likes to pretend he knows parkour. Doofus.

His favorite color is gray. Eddie logic says black is too basic. Again, doofus.

He doesn't have a favorite food but he's a sucker for anything homecooked. Uncle Wayne worked a lot growing up so anything that feels homecooked feels special to him.

Big cuddler. If you sleep with him, and it's more than just sex, expect aftercare.

He's not opposed to doing "girly" things. If you're a girl and his friend, besties level, he will totally be down for sleepovers that include face masks and manicures and all that. No fragile masculinity here. Just don't tell anyone.

Should be obvious but he loves horror movies. He's not big on gore though. He'll watch them but he's more into spooky shit like monsters, ghosts, demon possession and stuff like that. He does enjoy Children of the Corn, he finds creepy children amusing and terrifying.

He can fix pretty much anything. Both his dad and Uncle Wayne are handy with tools and Eddie learned from watching. He fixes his own van and basically built it from the ground up.

That's all I got right now. Feel free to ask questions.

[hanasnx]

canadian here - canada's pretty okay. if you wanna move somewhere progressive stick with the big cities and not to dunk on the other provinces but BC and Ontario are probably the best in that sense (and ofc the most expensive sorry). Alberta is only semi jokingly known as the Texas of Canada so do with that what you will. Never been but from what I've heard you do need to speak French to get by in Quebec so unless you do or want to learn I wouldn't super recommend it.

as a Vancouverite I gotta rep my city- it's super diverse and really queer friendly, and in those regards feels really safe. plus the Pacific northwest is fantastic - so so much nature, loads of beaches, ski resorts, islands, lakes, trails, forests, and the temp goes from about -3 to 30 degrees Celsius, so not too extreme. Not sure what you've been told about Canadian wildlife but it's really not that bad - you only get bears in the suburbs and outwards and as long as you keep alert and keep your head on you it's fine. same with the coyotes.

downsides of Vancouver: job market is TOUGH atm, especially for entry level jobs. cost of living and housing especially is also really bad, and there is a fairly significant homelessness/drug/mental health problem that makes certain parts of the city not super safe

politically we are coming to a crossroads - Justin Trudeau, the current PM & with the Liberal Party, is near universally hated at this point, mostly for economic reasons, and the NDP party is never gonna win, so unless Trudeau gets his wakeup call and steps down, at our next election we might be looking at a Conservative government, which would not be ideal. not trump-levels of devastating but not ideal.

anyways you should come to Canada indy!! it's definitely not perfect but we'd love to have you <3

i do know the area im going to be moving to already but this was super informative about the surroundings thank you so much for being thorough i really appreciate it. and for explaining the political landscape too! super helpful

right now my worries lie in the work visa and it’s stipulations because i know i can’t apply for PR or citizenship for a couple years at least. updating my passport and applying for a visa is my next move, and then i know the canadian gov has to let me know if i’m approved and then give me the info on where i’m allowed to work and how long.

i’m guessing since my record was expunged there shouldn’t be a problem with that at least. what i am worried about is my history with keeping a job is not super good, and i’m worried that if i obtain a visa to work a specific place, and then fuck it up, then i’ll be shit outta luck

my other problem is the cost of living and how i’ll basically be forced to work to keep up with the visa and to afford actually eating and being alive.

if you don’t mind me picking your brain a bit more, healthcare is a big thing for me right now. does it differ from province to province and does it cover mental health services and issues? would therapy be on the table or is that an out of pocket cost or would i need better insurance etc

if you don’t know that’s cool! i’m just gathering as much info i can on the subject before i dive in, as i often do